You put up so many emotional walls. It was so disheartening and frightening to see you paralyzed by fear. It reduced your ability to act to almost nothing. I hated to watch it. You internalised so much and let it build up so that it always seemed so insurmountable to you. So huge and scary.
It lead you to tell me about things as an afterthought, how you would have acted; how you wanted to act.
But you just couldn't act.
You couldn't take that first step. And that made me feel sad, helpless and a little foolish. Like I wasn't worth enough for you to make an effort.
You always said you wanted someone to push you, to make you better.
I would have helped you anyway you wanted; anyway you asked. I still would.
None of it was ever too big to overcome and I wanted to tell you that, but you never asked.
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