Pain is a very strange thing. People experience pain in many different ways from many different stimuli and each one is individual and unique. Recently, I broke a bone in my leg. It wasn't as serious as it could have been, but as it turns out, serious enough.
On the marathon day of me hobbling around the city seeing doctor after technician after nurse, I finally arrived at an ER where a triage nurse asked me the simple question of, "On a scale of one to ten, how bad does it hurt?"
I answered, after pondering for a second, "A 4 or 5, " and pausing for another second thinking that that, strangely, sounded too low for a broken bone, I continued, "err maybe a 6."
The nurse just looked at me for a moment, not responding, but I read an odd expression on her face which made me think she was thinking one of three things. She looked like she was trying to figure out whether I had experienced a whole lot of pain in my life and in fact this was only a 4 or that I just didn't feel pain the way she did or that I was making the whole thing up inspite of the x-rays I had just handed her.
To her credit, her professionalism kicked in and her face changed to that of the caregiver she was and she insisted, being the poor dear that I was, that I sit in the proffered wheel chair that had magically appeared. I did and I thought. I thought about pain.
The first question that I had was whether I had answered the question correctly. Was the pain only a 4, 5 or 6. I know I haven't physically experienced a lot of pain in my life ; only a couple of broken bones, no crippling illnesses. But the leg just didn't seem like it warranted a 7, 8, or 9. All I figured was that there had to be an infinite number of things that hurt more out there so obviously I couldn't answer higher than a 6.
Personally, I recognize that I have a whole lot of martyr in my personality. A small part of me does enjoy being put upon. Does this help me deal with pain? Absolutely, if part of you thinks that experiencing pain makes you a better person or suffering is something you deserve then the actual suffering never hurts as much. Therein lies the rub of the martyr.
[to be continued]
