You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops

Courage is a remarkable thing. It takes an awful lot to take that first step. And to that one person that has to take that step it always seems like stepping off a cliff into a blackness so scary it actually makes it hard to breath. You just want to shut your eyes and cry until it all goes away.

But let's look at the other side. If you don't choose courage, ultimately, you are going to have to settle on regret. It is all that remains when the cowardly path is chosen. Regret is simply the shame of letting yourself down. Of not taking the path of growth; of not steeling yourself for the unknown, an unknown that is never as bad as you imagined. And regret gnaws at you. It eats away at you all the while filling that newfound empty space with just more regret. The only thing holding it at bay is the self-satisfaction associated with taking the high road. By being courageous.

The thing I fear the most is conflict. Screaming, yelling, anger, physical violence, it all scares the hell out of me. Personal human conflict frightens me. It has forever. You would never guess this by looking at me or the career I have chosen. I have been told I am imposing, even intimidating, but playing 'bad cop' truly scares me.

Now, not to say that this fear hasn't served me well at times. Being frightened of something does provide an heightened awareness to its antecedents thereby allowing one to avoid the resulting something. I don't know how many times I have avoided dangerous situations simply because I could sense a change in a person's demeanor. But this is a minor silver lining to a very dark cloud.

Recently, I had someone in my life that truly helped me without, I think, even knowing he did. He forced me to become a more active participant, to not shy away from those dark places. He wouldn't let me get away with avoidance and for this I wanted to thank him. It wasn't that he was my saviour. No one can be that for another person, because, ultimately, the will to change comes from within. We all have to face those dark places alone, but there is nothing wrong with someone standing behind you, telling you to keep going while aiming the flashlight.