contradiction girl meet contrary boy

both lying at odd angles.
door open to the world
for fresh air
and freedom.
tell me what you want me to do
said with a wry smile
and trouble in his eyes.
moments delay
or so they seem.
i'm not laughing at you
as she turns away giggling
i'm just really giddy.

He's not getting older, he's getting bitter...

Tomorrow is the first day of summer and my mind is wandering to memories long past.

Three boys riding identical red bikes with identical black helmets along the Musgrave Harbour highway towards a swimming hole. Goofing around, being young. A mishap and one takes a rough tumble. Shaken and shocked they all ride back to the summer home to lick their wounds. One physically the other two worried and guilty at far too young an age.

Lazy afternoons downtown. Bikes and boards. Always looking for just one more quarter at the arcade. Let's go roofin', one suggests. The others follow. Nothing better to do. Over this fence, up that ladder. Watch out for Security. C'mon b'y, sure it's only 10 feet or so. Run run run. Jump! Fly for a millisecond. Knees skinned. Adrenaline pumping. Right on.

A gravel pit with a bonfire has almost become a coming of age cliche around here. Almost. 16 and one half years. Too young to be here doing this, but there is no stopping him. Music blaring amped up by the generator. I think I'm really tripping, he says. The sky is moving. You are such a light weight, b'y. Those are the northern lights.

Years later. Darkness fell, hours before. Drugs forcing him awake. Hair flowing like a mane. Barefoot, running up and over parked cars. Urban primative isn't about piercings and tattoos. Climbing chain links, scrambling over concrete, around the back way. A note left on her window; the one that no one should be able to reach. Shirt torn, feet dark and dirty, but nerves firing, reminding him what it is to be truly alive.

The buddy system. Enacted to serve and protect. At the cabin, on a retreat. Rum and beer, beer and rum. Open fires and drunken lads. Let's go to the park. Everytime a car drives by the drunkest of the bunch dives into the gully. They aren't Nazis and you're no commando, b'y. Dashes off into the dark, no moon. The sound of heavy meat hitting gravel then someone spitting up pebbles. Where's his buddy?, one asks.

Summer is coming.

Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity

I opened the door and all I could smell was cheap chicken burgers, fries and weed.

The roomies are back. Blowing in, almost, as unexpectedly as they blew out.

I was just starting to enjoy the solitude; the privacy.

Ottawa was sleepy they said. Thrill's apartment was loud and too clean; creepily clean.

Oh well.

I just need a spaceship to get me outta here...

The roomies left for Ottawa this afternoon while I was at work.

I knew it was coming, but I thought they would leave a note or something. It is like they were abducted by aliens.

It is an odd sensation to come home to a house, once full, now empty of poeple but not their stuff. I love it, but it is giving me the willies. This may be accentuated by the sense of mania I have been suffering from since the onset of the full moon.

Who knows?

One thing for sure. I have been down right giddy the last couple of days. Giddy is the only fitting description. So giddy it is.

A number of you have probably never seen me giddy. It is very dangerous as I become immediate trouble. Trouble to myself and my neighbours. You see when I get giddy, I really start talking out of my ass. My mouth starts writing cheques my ass can't cash. Luckily, I haven't gotten into any arguments or really hurt anyone's feelings yet, but I imagine it may happen soon. Just warnin' yah.

Terror had struck me, but all I could see is your soft skin...

What a day.

Twenty four hours have come and gone and I am finally home, resting, waiting for sleep to gather me up and take over.

I don't think I can begin to describe what a fulfilling day I have just experienced. So instead I am just going to post a short list. A list of the things I am thankful for today. Things that, in my weary mind, as the day comes to an end, mean a lot to me.

• girls with blinders on. They remind you what it is to live, with their crafty ways.
  
• worlds colliding. Its about time and needs to happen more often.
• a bunch of kids that work their asses off every day. I hope I can be good enough for you.
• caring touches when you least expect them. We should all be so lucky.
• finding community where one least expects it. It makes it all seem more worthwhile.
• friends offering you something you need when you don't know you need it. That's why they are friends.
• swinging bats and catching balls. Remember what it was like to be a kid?
• a happy tired. The lack of sleep is irrelevant. If I could do with even less to experience even more, I would. In a heartbeat.
• the joy of a reaching a mutual decision while staring into a wood fire. The thought still makes me smile.

"This isn't how the tours of my house usually end, but I'm not complaining"

The roomies have gone to the mall, not sure why, but I am happy about the peace and quiet.

Just finished watching a DVD with the patio door open. The cool breeze is really pleasant, but I wish it were a little warmer.

I broke a valve on my bike's front tire, which sucks. Now I have two bikes in my front porch with flat front tires. Next week will be bike repair day. I promise.

Last night at volleyball, the skies opened up. We were getting spanked by a nice enough group of players, when all of a sudden it was the best sun shower I have ever experienced. A tiny, dark and dangerous cloud had been hovering over the Pavillion for about an hour when it decided it had had enough. Bam! Rain, in sheets, came down with a vengence, but off to the side were rays of light. Bright sunbeams just out of reach. Of course, we kept playing. The ball got slick and heavy and coated with mud. The net sagged under the weight of a drenching. I went from sweaty to completely soaked in a millisecond. People scattered, trying desperately to get under some cover. Even the dragonboaters (goddamn, dragonboaters) tried to get in. We kept playing. For a little while. It was awesome.

Thanks to everyone who replied to my music email. It was great to hear all the different voices.