No cars go...

I wonder if I will ever figure out what will make me happy in my professional life. I am getting pretty sick and tired of waiting for that flash of insight that will tell me what I am supposed to do here. There are a bunch of things I know I would be good at, but getting to try them seems so daunting. I never seem to get any response to any applications I have ever submitted. I feel completely trapped in a unhappy rut bordered by huge walls of financial insecurity and indecision. If I hadn't been so contrary, so blasted indifferent when I was younger maybe I wouldn't be here. Maybe I wouldn't feel like I wasted 10 good years of my life.

I wonder if I will ever come to a time in my life that I can honestly say, 'I'm a success'. I don't know if it is me or just some crazy lack of pride, but I can't remember a time in my live that I have felt successful. Day in and day out it seems like my personal and work lives are just unmitigated disasters and I have to fight tooth and nail to get there.